Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
