Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
