i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
This is the high leading the old right now
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Congratulations! We have a period
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
