nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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