i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
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You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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