Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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