So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
