WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
