I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
