i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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