Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
