Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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