that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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