Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
