trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
