The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
