A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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