no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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