When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Randomize
