omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
