its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
