what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
