Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
