Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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