are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
