im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i out mim tonsoeep
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