Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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