i don't like sucking hair
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
