weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Soap is not a condiment
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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