i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
