so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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