I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
