Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I supernannyed him into submission
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
