The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
