yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
