I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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