So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
