do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My first STD was from a foam party
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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