Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
