the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
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So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
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I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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