i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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