shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
