Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
