I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
