I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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