i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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