those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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