it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
