I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's blow job season.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
