Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
