saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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