Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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