my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
