forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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