Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
