Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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