My first STD was from a foam party
so that wasnt chicken after all
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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