so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
