??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
