I'm pants shitting drunk right now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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