Are we in a gay sports bar?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
