Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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