i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Randomize
