You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
