I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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