Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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