we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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